This is kind of mean, but my sister June wrote a fan letter to Rupert Grint, and it's pretty much the funniest, most retarded thing I've ever read in my entire life. I have added some comments in parentheses. I have also changed her name and her friends names, because obviously they will want to pretend that they had nothing to do with it. (Just so you know, I didn't change my name, which sadly comes up, tho)
 

Dear Rupert, You must get a TON of fan mail, I imagine, and I think that you are being really cool about putting up with it.  Anyway, as you can probably tell from the return address I’m from the good Old’ U.S of A (good lord, she's already started off looking like a retard) and I’m not saying that it sucks being here but, you European countries sound a lot cooler, don’t you think?  I mean the US is cool and all, and it’s not some big cowboy range or whatever other people think of us.  You’ve probably been to like New York City, right? Don’t judge us by that either; I live in the suburbs and its pretty cool.  I’m one of three daughters, my two parents, and of course my WONDERFUL dog jack.  He’s the coolest and I love him (but not in that way) (oh my kittens, wtf???!?!).  Of course there are about a gazillion jokes that go along with having a dog that’s named jack, you know? (STOP ASKING HIM WHAT YOU THINK RETARD) Oh, man, you all may even have a different slang talk, huh?  What’s your favorite school subject? I love science type stuff.  That’s awesome.  Our teacher really sucks though so, I don’t get to do much in her class; you probably go to some prep school, right? My friend Kelly will be going to a prep school in a couple years, for high school.  But, its probably public school for me, not that that’s a bad thing though, you know?

Since it’s the summer I spend a lot of time watching TV, I LOVE Spongebob, don’t you??? He’s so awesome.  I like the episode about the conch shell club.  I have a sister named Julie who was in 8^th grade last year and, there’s this thing at my school where you name the Pad box, who know? (Does he really want to know about the pad box tradition? Good lord) And it’s kind of stupid but anyway they called it Pad-trick (ISN'T THAT THE MOST HILARIOUS THING EVER? We named it Pad-trick after Patrick from Spongebob. Pads. hahahaha).  Yup yup.  What’s your favorite show on TV?  I wonder if they have the same shows over there as they do over here.  The only British movie I’ve seen (besides all the Julie Andrews movie, I don’t know if she’s British but she has an accent J) is Bend it Like Beckham, and it was good. 

My friend Kyle is obsessed with Great Britain and I have to ask, does “lamp” mean anything in British slang?  He says it does but, lamp?  (lamp? Oh my kittens) I’ll have to tell him if it doesn’t.  Oh don’t get any ideas; he’s not my boyfriend, no way (You so know what I'm goign to say).  I mean he’s my friend but...ya. Do you have a girlfriend?  I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m not to keen on the idea yet, I’m only 12!!  That’s another bummer, everyone in my grade is older than me! It sucks. 

Julie’s been reading those dumb (they're not dumb, they're hilarious) books like um, one’s called “Angus, Thongs, And Full Frontal Snogging” and another one’s “On the Bright Side, At Least I’m the Girlfriend of a Sex God” and other stuff like that, have you heard of them? Its about a British girl but I read a bit and its, well, very racy. (not true at all, there's absolutely NOTHING about the period and only a bit about bras...a lot with boys tho)  Where’s your favorite place to visit? You must have been EVERYWHERE on the premieres and junk like that.  I want to go to France, the language is so, so, so, AWESOME!!!!  About Harry Potter, are you all R/H (Ron and Hermione will end up together)? Because that’s so me! It’s so funny, and they have tons of websites on R/H and its hilarious how obsessed these people are.  I must be running on and on, sorry. (You bet your ass you are)  When I first heard of you I said “I’d kill for his life, man that’d be awesome meeting famous people” but I guess it must be hard, but hilarious at the same time :) 

How’s your summer, Britain, it must be awesome.  How old do you have to be to drive over there? You have to be 16 over here and that sucks but hey.  You like rap, right?  Who your favorite rapper?  I like 50 Cent and this band Black Eyed Peas, they rock. (She's being a retard, she doesn't listen to 50 cent or Black Eye Peas. She listens to preppy wuss rock bands like All American Rejects. Rap. ahhahahah)  They sing, “Where is the Love” it's so awesome.  Julie made up a dance to that song and it's so cool. (It really isn't, it's retarded. It's just me doing this stupid thing with my hands) Caroline first told me to write, which was while being ridiculed from my other friend Sam for the idea.   She thinks I’m a prat (a PRAT?!??!! WE'RE FROM AMERICA) for writing to you because she’ll accuse me of becoming a teenager or whatever, she’s so like that.  She’s also an Internet FREAK! She won’t talk to people on the phone or up front if she can use IM or the Internet and Caroline is obsessed with you, ya sorry, she’ll hate me for that.  She doesn’t even watch the movies much, but there you go.  I suppose I’ve wasted your time enough now, so bye and thanks!!! I love your movies and Britain rocks! Power to the French! (I thought she just said BRITAIN rocks??!)